dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
