Can Purell be used as lube?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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