Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
