A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
