she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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