I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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