It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
