When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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