I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
