Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
