My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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