i don't like sucking hair
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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