My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
