Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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