I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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