Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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