then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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