my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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