Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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