Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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