I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
