We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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