wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
