we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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