Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
