I feel great
I just peed on a car
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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