New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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