you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
