my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
