watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
zippers are such a cool invention
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
