Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
