Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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