I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
