oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
