remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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