Umm I'm too high to move.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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