Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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