I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
