I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
