Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
