Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
