I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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