You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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