she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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