he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
