I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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