i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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