There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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