just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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