If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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