i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
