I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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