i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
