Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
