Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
