I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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