You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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