So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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