I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
