i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
