Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
