the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
